The Anderson Cats: September 2006

Cleo here. Thought you might like to hear about things from OUR perspective since we’re actually in charge of things over here. Our dad and our mum do try their best, but what can I say? Thousands of years of being worshipped and idolised don’t drop away easily; unfortunately these people don’t seem to realise this and insist on treating the idiot brother and myself as PETS!! I’m beside myself with pique, but the idiot brother does tend to pander to them, especially to our mum, whom he follows round the place like a DOG!

Out of the way - Max here. She can talk – you have NEVER seen anything like the way she carries on with our dad – bleats till she gets on his chest and then proceeds to paw at his face and beard, all the while drooling all over him . . . . it’s disgusting. Our mum says Cleo is SUCH a little tart and ‘the sooner she has her operation the better’ – I don’t know what she means by that, but apparently I’m to have an ‘operation’ in the near future as well. I think it must be something to do with having lots of lovely food or something, don’t you?

Cleo again. Things had been quite delightful since we arrived here and then our mum decided to torture us for no reason (we hadn’t been destroying the house any more than normal). She opened a door and suddenly we were OUTSIDE!! This was a major shock to our delicate little systems, I can tell you (especially to the idiot brother who always makes sure that I investigate everything first, and when I don’t die, he pushes me out of the way – typical male). Anyway, on my first outing, I was ATTACKED by an enormous black and white beast that seems to live nearby (the beast, according to our mum, is called Kuddles-with- a-K . . . . . odd name for a slavering lunatic). Eventually I was rescued but have been FAR too nervous to enjoy my fresh air breaks since then. Oh, I think the idiot brother wants a word, he’s pushing in again.

Yes, Max here. I don’t know what SHE’s complaining about – she wasn’t missing for 3 hours – IN THE DARK!! I had to hide from Kuddles-with-a-K in the woodpile and when I managed to get back to the house, our mum CUT MY FUR OFF!!!! She SAYS it’s because I was covered in sticky sap and bits of wood, but I look like I’ve been attacked by a maniac with a hacksaw – she certainly didn’t miss her vocation as a hairdresser, is all I can say. Anyway, we are being VERY CAREFUL when we venture out now and our mum has got an enormous jet-propelled water gun especially for Kuddles-with-a-K . . . . . . Oh, and I DO NOT hide behind my sister, it’s just that she’s more expendable than me.

Cleo here: That’s IT . . . . I’m looking for a rescue home. You won’t believe this . . . . our mum took us to see Uncle Ian (the vet?) last week and LEFT US THERE!!! The lights went out and when we came to properly we were on our way home again and I can tell you, I wasn’t feeling the best. Not sure what was going on, but I seem to have no fur on my tummy and someone’s been sewing me up!!!! I feel fine now, but our mum says I’ve to go back to see Uncle Ian again this week for him to inspect the sewing, so please could someone rescue me before this happens? Mind you, our mum has been giving us all sorts of little treats and she warms our kitten milk for us, so maybe I’ll stay just a tad longer and see what transpires . . . .

HAH!!! She thinks SHE’s got problems!!!! My butt’s got no fur and I’m almost POSITIVE there’s something missing – our dad keeps laughing at me and calling me “Maxine”, so I don’t know what THAT’s all about. Our mum says I’ll be a much nicer boy “without them” and our dad had better watch himself.

Yes, well, we must away now, carpets to shred and small insects to torture – we may add to our blog in the future, but please don’t hold your breath as we really are SO busy being waited on hand and foot . . . . . . .

Max in his usual position